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찜 질 팡 A Korean Bathhouse

Hey, That says jjimjilbang. I typed that shit. hell's yea.

So I went to a Korean Bathhouse yesterday. I was hanging out with some new friends at Seoul Forest (which isn't a forest) and we were eating Pizza hut pizza (which isn't real pizza) and listening to a drum festival (which was terrible) when we decided to go do something else. I shall speak of these friends only in nicknames seeing as we all have them now. It was me, the bunny, the chainsaw, the hammer...and the visitor(?). the visitor was excited about visiting this HUGE bathhouse that he found in lonely planet. Quick interlude; the new lonely planet is apparently much more informed/baller than the old one. Anywho, the dude is going with the hammer but they're trying to convince the chainsaw to go to. Unfortunately the chainsaw is irish and a bit of a prude/never has done this kind of thing before. I'm sitting their trying to nonchalantly get myself invited (i'm still a newbie). My nickname is "the german spear" by the way.

So finally they convince the guy to go if i go. Were both a little nervous about the whole nudity thing but...wtf, were in korea and i'll never see these guys again. I could never see them again starting tomorrow if i wanted so it's not like its a big deal. So we go.

First off, this place is like a little mini casino. It's all decked out in lights and fountains and statues and big drive up parking areas. Crazy. We get in and we get our stuff in a very professional setting. I gotta say I wasn't all that nervous until I realized that the promised pair of shorts for the sissy's would not be forthcoming. Oh shit! everyone was going to see my laddy (as chainsaw calls it)!. So be it. I've already paid and I would lose all cred if i bailed now.

Well, we go up and make our first mistake by putting on our uniforms right away. As cool as we looked in them they were apparently not made for the men's section. Have I mentioned that the mens section is on the 5TH FLOOR! hella huge bathhouse. Oh, during changing i got boxed in by an old naked man. I felt like crying but thought that would only make things worse, so i simply cried on the inside. (kidding, but it did freak me out). It was pretty funny, they only have these little towels and i was clutching it to my man junk, I'm sure I looked foolish. Then we entered the actual bath section and all bets were off. with an internal fuck it I threw my towel in a bin and did the naked thing (which...really, wasn't that exciting).

Now let's be clear, I'm not comfortable around naked men. Especially old naked men. It's one of the reasons I won't go to the YMCA. That said, this didn't seem that bad. As in, you got past the nudity real fast. I think it was because of the freaking awesome baths.

One bath was literally a green tea bath. Another was a super steamer of some sort that was 43 degrees C. That's Celsius mind you. Well. So yea, awkward at first sitting around with a few naked dudes your own first name basis with, but again, it didn't seem to matter after a little while. I think ti was becausethe institgators of all this had done this before and were so chill. Anyways, the baths worked like this. You showered, got in the green tea, moved to the ultra hot, jumped in a slightly cooler one, than plunged into a big pool of ice cold water (18 C is ice fuckin cold). There was also a sweet menthol steam room right next to the pool, it might have been the best part all around.

After doing about 5 rounds we decided to investigate other parts. Downstairs we found a full snack bar, a lounge/sleeping area. A bunch of different sweat houses including but not limited too: an ice room, a charcoal room, an herb room of some sort, and an egyptian pyramid room. Outside was a unisex pool full of shrieking children. It's crucial to understand that there were little naked kids EVERYWHERE in the mens section. They just frolick around, in one of the worlds most conservative societies, without a care. Another oddity. Oh, there was also a roof top bar with liquor AND you could get naked mansagges. None of us were quite brave enough to be rubbed down by men while naked. maybe next time? maybe never.

We go back for one more round and there's some old weagooks in the far pool being all old and fat and nasty, kinda of a buzz kill but we chased them off (i think) quickly. Another key aspect. Almost none of the dudes were fat. Sure maybe a few granpa's had a beer belly, but overall NO ONE was fat. most of them were damn fit. there's something you won't find in america.

Well anyways we ended up spending 3 hours, planning on only 30 minutes and we easily could have stayed longer. You pay for blocks of time. It's 10,000 for day time and 12 for night. You can sleep there too. It's really a pretty amazing deal/event. I'm DEFINITELY going back, though I don't know with who, it's a bit of a trek for the dudes I went with this time. As for the issue of "sausage fest", well...you aren't there to hook up with ladies, you're there to relax, and MAN does it relax you. If all you can think about is the dick issue well...you got issues, work'em out, this isn't america. Next time though, I'm bringing a beach ball and inviting the girls to go a few rounds.

Now the all consuming question: yes the korean dick is indeed slightly small but not RIDICULOUSLY so... It's like with their height. I thought they'd all be midgets but they aren't. I think its the japs where the stereotype originates and may still hold true over all.

The other curious thing was the healthissue. having a mom in infection control i had to wonder how they kept it clean. I mean, i watched "spirited away" and so I assume they do some shit like that but honestly, it seems like such a health issue for a large number of men to be bathin in the same water. It's constantly being recycled...but even so.
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Seoul Moves to the Right! (bout time)

Seoul Moves to the Right!

by Anne Ladouceur, 23/09/2009

Seoul Moves to the Right!


The time has come to 'walk right' in Seoul. On October 1st, Seoul City will be launching a campaign to encourage people to walk on the right. We should soon begin to see signs encouraging people to walk on the right side of the sidewalk, while escalators and moving walkways are supposed to become 'right-sided'. Direction switches are planned for 1,109 escalators in 163 subway stations on lines No. 1 through 9 as well as for 20 moving walkways in 6 subway stations.

In order to let Seoulites get used to the changes, implementation began in September in some less busy stations. We should soon start noticing changes in signs leading to tickets booths and directions lines for subway transfers. The city will also have staff on hand, especially in the more crowded stations, near escalators and walkways to reduce confusion (Hopefully, this well-meant service won't have the same 'opposite-effect' as traffic cops do at intersections).

I read with interest some of the background information provided by the city regarding this new 'direction'. It seems that 88 years ago a law was enacted obliging pedestrians to walk on the left. However, because the vast majority of Koreans are right-handed (88.3%), walking on the left is difficult for them and apparently slows them down. According to a city official, “When people walk on the right side they go 1.2 to 1.7 times faster.”

Those of you living outside the capital need not despair - the central government announced back in April that it intended to take steps to change the Korean custom of walking on the left in order to bring Korea into 'line with international practice'.

According to government data, 73% of Koreans say they prefer walking on the right. "Many people complain they feel so uncomfortable walking on the left they bump into others." Now this is the first time I've heard this explanation this tendency, which has been commented upon by most foreign residents and visitors.

With all the broadcasts and banners hammering home the message of this move to the right, it will be next to impossible for any Korean speakers to miss it. I wonder, though, if the word will also go out in English and other languages. If not, I can just picture all the expats who have been in Korea for longer than a few months and who have gotten used to moving left on the sidewalk, but even more so in subway stations, on escalators, etc. Now that I've learned from the position of the feet and the arrows, that I truly do belong on the left, here goes Mayor Oh telling me, along with all the other Seoulite lefties that it's now time to shift right.

Should I start practicing now? Or should I wait until Thursday next? I guess I'll just go with the flow for now.....Let's see how things go on October 1st.

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A Night to Remember (well...nevermind)

Ah yes, what is the most fundamental lesson you (hopefully) learn from freshmen year of college? Don't drink too much! Preferably this is the most painful lesson you learn in college, i know i learned it, but with hangovers and a broken wrist (another story!) but apparently I forgot.

Here's the set up, First of all i've finally made some friends. I know I know, 5 months and you've only just found people to hang out with?? Eat me. But i have friends now and more importantly I now know what joints to hang around to meet people my age and with my predeliction towards conversations (I have no idea if that's coherent). One's South Africa, and he's...he's something but i'm not sure what. One is Irish and about as straight Irish as they come, accent, angry drunk, party guy, generally awesome, etc etc. and ONE is a huge fuckin dude who is 27, has a masters, his students call him "Tiger" and he's already learned a good deal of Korean. He totally comes off as a bro at first glance but he's chill. the reason i'm expostulating about him so much is that he forms the punch line of this evening. Let's dig in.

So it's probably my first night goin out for drinks in...oh...a month? about that. A long time, and before that "going out for drinks" meant going and having a whiskey sour and talking about the weekend. Well it's willie's Bday (another friend) and amanda and I have put our heads together and decided that its the perfect night for getting shitty. So we start off with whiskey sours, which is always a good choice. Within an hour I'm back to the bar ordering my third only this time, I'm actually watching. I still have total recall of this time of the night, everyone was chill and having a good time. I watched this crazy amero-korean lady mixing my drink and realized she's been throwing two or three shots of whiskey into each glass (that'd be 6-9 shots in one hour, keep up). Now any intelligent, rational human being would have watched her make this drink and decided to take it easy but that shit went right out the window. I pretty much chug it. I think (I THINK) that they were leaving by the time I got back and that's what happened.

From here it gets hazy. It was all of 1030 PM. Glory.

Our next stop (I THINK) is a swanky little place on hooker hill where we all pitch in for a round of Cass (the korean equivalent of PBR or worse). We chug that but we can't feel the atmosphere. The atmosphere consists of old drunk korean prostitutes dancing with GI's to western in a redneck establishment (...in Seoul, South Korea). At least, that's my recollection. At this point I start chatting it up with this beautiful girl from Alabama. We go outside to get some air and I realize "shit, this girl is over 6 feet tall." And so she was. I also came upon the radical notion of calling her "alabama" which she took fairly easily.

Onwards and outwards. Things are getting mighty fuzzy by this point, but i still have snatches.

We end up at a gay bar in this redlight district. Actually, it's kind of an awesome bar. I've lost most of my conversational abilities so I'm just enjoying watching Alabama dance on a bar stool and wishing she was slightly more level with me (this is going somewhere). It is at this point, in a gay bar in Seoul South Korea, that i make the tactical decision to start mixing drinks. And what do i order? some manly concoction? No...I get a Sangria. WTF? I think I was thinking of that movie Eurotrip, but the dude offering sangria turned out to be a bi-pervert (...my...ideal?).

Well after that the night is gone. We somehow got divorced from the other half of the group and wandered around for a good hour doing...something. Like I said, I can't really remember anything but snatches of light and faces at this point.

We somehow found the other group, it seemed like magic at the time, like Bilbo finding the Ring under the mountain, but now i realize they just used their cell phones. At this point...i'm pretty sure I was spending a lot of time on the walls or on the ground. Not pleasant. I got stuffed in either the 3rd or 4th cab we approached and sent home. I remember the number of cabs because I was thinking how rude it was for people not to take me home and dead I'd be if I was on my own.

The next morning was pure death. Pain...pain pain. I wanted to do shit, but pain. I took a shower and drank some water...and through up, painfully. I preceded to repeat this pattern for the next 6 hours. Sleep, wake up, Drink a little bit of fluid, go to sleep, wake up, vomit, go back to sleep, repeat. Cheers! I alternated between the couch, and the floor of amanda's apt.

By 6 I was feeling better though I chickened out from spending another night out on the town. Somehow amanda managed it cheerfully, and of course, the hagwon dudes (new friends) are lethal drinkers. But the next day I get this story. Cameron, the guy the students call "tiger", had gotten a tug job in an alley by Alabama. He described it as one of the most terrifying moments of his life. As he describes it, "She had one hand on my chest pushing me up against a wall and the other yangkin at my junk. she played power forward on the basketball team in highschool, emphasis on power." Now maybe you won't get the humor here because you can't picture the kind of people I'm talking about, but I'm talking about giants. Cameron is a big man, Bama is a big woman and the idea of this is somehow vastly amusing to us (and him). crude yes. funny...yes.

anyways, it's monday and i'm still feelin it a little, I must have killed off a signficant quantity of hopefully nonimportant brain cells. I have been having some vocabulary difficulties...hmm. But most importantly I've made some friends and found some great places to spend time in Korea!

Other updates (suggested by a friend). I haven't talked to the girl i was interested in in about a month, I think we passed on each other. I'm starting this photography project called 365 (google it) to try and get myself to take more pictures. My mom and sister have had swine flu and both have successfully survived. The first years I'm teaching this semester are relatively low but they have "high classes" which are damn decent and they're a lot friendlier than the surly fuckin third years or the insane second years. let's see...oh, Check this out. You remember "The Three Ninja's" right? Well Mr Fuckin Miyagi was actually friggin Korean. You remember those masks tum tum, rocky and cole wore? Yea, those are traditional Korean masks. ...BALLA!

holy frig, they don't look so tough!
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First Week Back

Ok, so wow, my first class was devastating to my sense of purpose. Summer camp spoiled me. Not only could i keep control of the kids alone, but they could understand my lessons alone. The better classes could correct me if i made a mistake.

Then back to Danggok middle school where the order of the day is blank stares and silence. These kids don't know jack. and you get about 5 minutes of respect before they scatter like chaff in the wind.

damn, my sense of purpose in being in korea has taken a huge blow. What's the point in teaching at this school? Is there any value to me being here or am I just doing another 9-5 job? Would I be happier at another school? At a private institute? I don't know. I'm teaching first years this term and that should have it's share of surprises, hopefully I can maintain their interest. I know i kinda flubbed last semester just because of poor planning and lack of experience.

well, let's see how this one shapes up
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