So I went to a Korean Bathhouse yesterday. I was hanging out with some new friends at Seoul Forest (which isn't a forest) and we were eating Pizza hut pizza (which isn't real pizza) and listening to a drum festival (which was terrible) when we decided to go do something else. I shall speak of these friends only in nicknames seeing as we all have them now. It was me, the bunny, the chainsaw, the hammer...and the visitor(?). the visitor was excited about visiting this HUGE bathhouse that he found in lonely planet. Quick interlude; the new lonely planet is apparently much more informed/baller than the old one. Anywho, the dude is going with the hammer but they're trying to convince the chainsaw to go to. Unfortunately the chainsaw is irish and a bit of a prude/never has done this kind of thing before. I'm sitting their trying to nonchalantly get myself invited (i'm still a newbie). My nickname is "the german spear" by the way.
So finally they convince the guy to go if i go. Were both a little nervous about the whole nudity thing but...wtf, were in korea and i'll never see these guys again. I could never see them again starting tomorrow if i wanted so it's not like its a big deal. So we go.
First off, this place is like a little mini casino. It's all decked out in lights and fountains and statues and big drive up parking areas. Crazy. We get in and we get our stuff in a very professional setting. I gotta say I wasn't all that nervous until I realized that the promised pair of shorts for the sissy's would not be forthcoming. Oh shit! everyone was going to see my laddy (as chainsaw calls it)!. So be it. I've already paid and I would lose all cred if i bailed now.
Well, we go up and make our first mistake by putting on our uniforms right away. As cool as we looked in them they were apparently not made for the men's section. Have I mentioned that the mens section is on the 5TH FLOOR! hella huge bathhouse. Oh, during changing i got boxed in by an old naked man. I felt like crying but thought that would only make things worse, so i simply cried on the inside. (kidding, but it did freak me out). It was pretty funny, they only have these little towels and i was clutching it to my man junk, I'm sure I looked foolish. Then we entered the actual bath section and all bets were off. with an internal fuck it I threw my towel in a bin and did the naked thing (which...really, wasn't that exciting).
Now let's be clear, I'm not comfortable around naked men. Especially old naked men. It's one of the reasons I won't go to the YMCA. That said, this didn't seem that bad. As in, you got past the nudity real fast. I think it was because of the freaking awesome baths.
One bath was literally a green tea bath. Another was a super steamer of some sort that was 43 degrees C. That's Celsius mind you. Well. So yea, awkward at first sitting around with a few naked dudes your own first name basis with, but again, it didn't seem to matter after a little while. I think ti was becausethe institgators of all this had done this before and were so chill. Anyways, the baths worked like this. You showered, got in the green tea, moved to the ultra hot, jumped in a slightly cooler one, than plunged into a big pool of ice cold water (18 C is ice fuckin cold). There was also a sweet menthol steam room right next to the pool, it might have been the best part all around.
After doing about 5 rounds we decided to investigate other parts. Downstairs we found a full snack bar, a lounge/sleeping area. A bunch of different sweat houses including but not limited too: an ice room, a charcoal room, an herb room of some sort, and an egyptian pyramid room. Outside was a unisex pool full of shrieking children. It's crucial to understand that there were little naked kids EVERYWHERE in the mens section. They just frolick around, in one of the worlds most conservative societies, without a care. Another oddity. Oh, there was also a roof top bar with liquor AND you could get naked mansagges. None of us were quite brave enough to be rubbed down by men while naked. maybe next time? maybe never.
We go back for one more round and there's some old weagooks in the far pool being all old and fat and nasty, kinda of a buzz kill but we chased them off (i think) quickly. Another key aspect. Almost none of the dudes were fat. Sure maybe a few granpa's had a beer belly, but overall NO ONE was fat. most of them were damn fit. there's something you won't find in america.
Well anyways we ended up spending 3 hours, planning on only 30 minutes and we easily could have stayed longer. You pay for blocks of time. It's 10,000 for day time and 12 for night. You can sleep there too. It's really a pretty amazing deal/event. I'm DEFINITELY going back, though I don't know with who, it's a bit of a trek for the dudes I went with this time. As for the issue of "sausage fest", well...you aren't there to hook up with ladies, you're there to relax, and MAN does it relax you. If all you can think about is the dick issue well...you got issues, work'em out, this isn't america. Next time though, I'm bringing a beach ball and inviting the girls to go a few rounds.
Now the all consuming question: yes the korean dick is indeed slightly small but not RIDICULOUSLY so... It's like with their height. I thought they'd all be midgets but they aren't. I think its the japs where the stereotype originates and may still hold true over all.
The other curious thing was the healthissue. having a mom in infection control i had to wonder how they kept it clean. I mean, i watched "spirited away" and so I assume they do some shit like that but honestly, it seems like such a health issue for a large number of men to be bathin in the same water. It's constantly being recycled...but even so.